Boston Taxi Cab drivers should be allowed to charge a puking fee!
This past September the Taxi drivers of Chicago IL went to their regulators hat in hand asking for a rate increase. Along with a .50 increase in the drop fee and a .30 increase in mileage our brothers and sisters in the windy city had some requests for special fees. As I read through their list of requests it seemed pretty boring and straight forward. A $1.50 “Credit card convenience fee.. yes yes very reasonable a 1.00 radio call dispatch fee o.k. also reasonable now when I got to this part I smiled brightly and yelled out “Right on!”
The cabbies of Chicago were asking for a city ordinance that required customers to pay them a $50.00 clean up fee should they vomit in the taxi. In a city like Boston ,with 27 colleges and universities just within the city limits, a fee like this would surely result in several hundred thousand dollars a year in Puke fees.
Every day as I get in the cab to start my shift I say a little prayer that I make it safely home without 1) being robbed 2) puke 3) getting a flat tire. I almost don’t even care if I get 2 flat tires just please God don’t let anyone puke tonight! Before I finished the article my mind instantly began to wonder to the worst incidents of puking I have ever had.. and here they are for you in order of disgustingness
*****Warning if you just pulled into the pool and began to eat lunch drop the paper now!!!******
1) My third week driving a taxi I was driving the New Yellow Taxi of Revere #10 one fateful Saturday night and was dispatched to Rt.99 in Saugus to the Vogue club . This place was affectionately known as “the wrinkle room” for having developed a niche business with the 40+ crowd. There I picked up 2 lovely middle aged women who were just going back down to the 4 point Sheraton in Revere at Copeland circle. As they got in they gave me that friendly flirtatious smile that instantly said “I’m a drunk cougar on the prowl and you look like a steak”
You know the look I mean right? As we got going on our short journey the one sitting behind me was leaning forward onto my seat asking if I was married? Do I have a girlfriend? Even this early in my career I was thinking this was going to be a great ride! 3 minutes later as we rounded Copland circle by the Revere movie theatre. She was whispering in my ear ( no divider in Revere Cabs) that she wanted me to come up to the room for a drink as she rubbed my chest under my loose tank top. As we pulled into the hotel her friend was saying something like “what about me don’t I get to have any fun?” and then it happened the tigress that had been whispering profanity in my ear for the last 30 seconds said ” I can’t wait to get you…HIIICUPUUUUKE!.. yup she puked..ON ME! Not only was it on me but it was quickly running down my back under the tank top, by the time the first chunk of what felt like Tom Collins cocktail and bar wings hit the top of my butt crack any hope of holding down my Beachmont Roast beef instantly evaporated and I immediately decorated the steering wheel dashboard and front passenger seat with a Big beef (3 way) fries and diet coke… Yup you guessed it.. this made her friend puke half out the window and half down the inside of the passenger side rear and finally heavily into her pocketbook. A Chain reaction!
The friend quickly began to apologise and dig in her purse as the one who decorated me got out crying and scurried off into the lobby of the hotel. By now I was out of the car using my heavily soiled tank top to wipe as much as I could off me and the carpets of the marquis and was heavily cursing them.
The friend managed to get together $136.00 all crumbled up and stained with red chunky puke and apologised before running into the hotel. Later that night after I finished cleaning the car and myself (4 hours total and the cab never smelled right again) The dispatcher Heidi told me they had called to apologize and gave their room number in case I wanted to come back. NO THANKS! I have never in my life worn a tank top again. Ever!
2) A few Years later I’m in my first month driving an I.T.O.A. cab in Southie and as I pull top at Perkins Sq. the dispatcher calls for the Top Cab there. “444 Top” I get the reply back from Linda ” Hmmm.. (tap tap tap with a pen) I really should give this to an owner but O.K. Triple four go to 5XX East 7th st.” Being new I had no idea what she meant and when the guys began to pile out of the house telling me they were going to Weymouth I was happily surprised. I hardly noticed that there were 5 of them and one was being held up. When I did notice I laid the rules down fast. I told them ” If he let’s it rip and gets it all on the outside it’s $5.00 extra for a car wash if a drop hits the inside it’s $50.00 ” They all laughed and happily agreed and were so struck by the humor I conveyed they hardly blinked when I asked and received the money up front.
Half way down I-93 he starts to wretch.. wounded animals surely don’t make the guttural howling sounds this guy did. As we pulled in front of the destination in Weymouth I got a good look in the back not only had this man’s offering to the gods heavily caked the outside of my cab with the I-93 wind pushing it around the cab onto the rear windshield he managed to get it heavily inside the car as well. When I asked for the $50.00 I got the reply “F you its part of your job” Enraged I got out of the car ready to fight before I remembered there were 5 of them and only 1 of me. Not even skilfull use of a tire Iron was going to get me my puke fee!
As they began to walk up the steps into the house I said..chuckling .” Allright.. allright.. fine No problem guys.. I’m just gonna come back here once a month for the rest of my life and take a dump on those steps..good luck selling the place!” At this they all laughed and one guy broke.. “come on guys let’s pay the kid” They all got their wallets out and managed to scrape together $67 bux and half decent apology. As I reached my second hour of scrubbing that night I laughed thinking “Man I wish Linda gave this one to an owner!”
In closing if the taxi regulators of Chicago or our own regulators (yes I mean you Capt. Ciccolo, Commissioner Cohen and Chief Davis) are reading this I must ask Isn’t it high time we put in writing what is just and right for the driver? Shouldn’t a customer unable to hold his/her booze pay a clean up fee? If your answer is no the next time someone Ralph’s in my ghetto Limo I’m coming by your house and scraping it into the mail box!
Happy Holidays to the entire Taxi community! and a Special thanks to Bobby P. In Revere who I know will always give me a fast cab with a loud radio and no air conditioning : )
Michael@SouthieTaxi.com
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